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December 31, 2005

I Won’t Just See You “Tomorrow” ...

I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if today was the 2nd Most Overused Joke Day of the year. Why, I’ve only been two public places this morning (an ATM and a small restaurant) and I’ve already heard the joke twice. It’s not that I don’t like the joke, but it’s just that you encounter it a bazillion-gazillion-fafillion (bonus points if you name where I got that from) times in one day. I say encounter because on any other day you just hear it, today, you experience it. Here’s the sad part... with as much dislike I have for it, I’m probably going end up saying it approximately 17 times throughout the course of the evening. Ugh.

Aside from “the joke,” it’s that time of year to talk about New Year’s Resolutions! That’s right, time to reflect on what you didn’t accomplish in the past year and make a resolution to do better next year. Resolutions can be as simple as waking up 10 minutes earlier or as complex as taking over a corporation. There are no rules to making a resolution. You just make one. No matter how trivial, and you attempt to stick to it. And therein lies the inherent beauty of a New Year’s Resolution, no one really cares what another person’s resolution(s) is(are), nor is anyone going to hold you responsible for them. Basically, it’s just a chance to make you look like you’re in tune with your self, that you’re thought-provoking and that you give a damn. Right?

Well I say rubbish to that. What happened to the days where when someone made a pledge, they stuck to it? What happened to the times where a promise was a solid as oak? What happened to all of our consciouses? My God, we’re losing our souls!!! People, if we’re lying to ourselves, then where does it stop? If you make a resolution and not stick to it, soon enough you’ll be lying to your mailman, your mom and even the nice police officer that pulled you over on New Year’s Eve (don’t drink and drive, by the way).

This has got to stop and the buck (buck = making a resolution and not keeping it, if you weren’t paying attention) stops here. Now. I’m gonna snap my fingers and it’s serious time.

*SNAP*

Okay, it’s serious time. Here are my resolutions (in no paricular order ... yes, they’re numbered, but #1 doesn’t carry any more importance than, say, #5, or whatever):

  1. Sell some items on eBay, the world’s largest online auction.
  2. Visit a financial advisor.
  3. Establish, and abide by, a monthly budget.
  4. Pay off one of my credit cards.
  5. Find a cheaper place to live.
  6. Learn how to consolidate line items.
  7. Limit my soda intake to one a month (easy).
  8. Boycott shopping at Wal-Mart.
  9. Eat smaller portions.
  10. Exercise more, maybe even join a gym (yes, you can say “maybe” in your resolutions).
  11. Remove Google AdSense from my site.
  12. Win an award.

Take the pledge* with me and we’ll make, and subsequently keep, our New Year’s Resolutions. And if you just absolutely can’t keep them, then you’re gonna try your damnedest to get as close to them as you can. Ready?

I, (say your name), do solemnly swear to make and keep my New Year’s Resolution in this year of (insert year). I, (say your name, again) of (say the city that you live in) will do everything (say your race+ly) possible to make my resolution a reality. Even if that means spitting on my (say “mother’s” or “father’s”) face. Even if that means burning down (say your employer’s name) house. Even if that means soiling (say “my”) britches or dissin’ my bitches. I hereby decree that resolution-making will no longer tolerate failures. But in the event that I cannot possibly fulfill my resolution, I, (say your name), will try my damnedest to get as close to the resolution that I can. If not, I suck. The End. I swear. To it.

* This pledge is meant for entertainment purposes and is by no-means a legally binding contract. Take pledge at your own risk. Do not exceed 12 pledges in 24 hours. In case of an emergency, don’t pledge to call 9-1-1, just do it... or make the pledge quickly and then call. No lifeguard on duty.

Posted by Seth at 12:18 PM | Comments (1)

December 22, 2005

Christmas With The Crazies (a.k.a. Post #300)

Don’t let the title of this post fool you, I’m not talking about the new holiday classic crappy movie that came out last year, I’m talking about the dysfunctionalicizing of America’s families and the holidays. And don’t let that last line fool you, either. I’m not referring to MY family as being dysfunctional and crazy (okay, maybe slightly), I’m just talking in general terms – most families are dysfunctional and most holidays are crazy.

As JJ and Tug talked about in episode 28 of American Copywriter (in reference to a great Christmas season movie, ”Christmas Vacation“), there’s this oft-followed notion that holidays have to be huge and overly meaningful. The presents have to be big. The meal has to be perfect. The visits with the family have to be classic.

But when all the wrapping paper has been torn off, when the last helping of mashed potatoes are gone and when the last story has been told for the evening, does the holiday season ever come close to what you had envisioned it?

Not in my expereience. Sure, my holidays are memorable, but they’re memorable for reasons that are real and not contrived and imagined in my head. I love my family and every second I spend with them, but the perfect gift or meal isn’t going to make my holiday that much more enjoyable. According to a survey that WWE (WorstWeatherEver) posted on his blog, people who spent more time with families and religious activities felt the spirit of the season much more than shopping and buying gifts. I agrees. Yes... agrees.

Well, it’s time that I start packing up the car and getting ready for my travels. I hope everyone has a great holiday season this year. Safe travels. Lots of fun. Great memories.

... and kick ass presents!

Holiday Tidbits

Posted by Seth at 11:19 AM | Comments (2)

December 15, 2005

And One Becomes Two

In my head, May 20th of the year 2000, seems like it was yesterday. But in reality, it was over half a decade ago. Maybe the advertising world has something to do with that – my days, weeks, months and years seem to fly by much faster than ever before. But I’m sure it has nothing to do with my job, but life in general. Time doesn’t just fly when you’re having fun, you just come to the realization that you don’t want those fun times to stop.

Sadly all things stop. It’s a simple truth, maybe the simplest, but it’s also one of the hardest truths to come to terms with.

Yesterday I was informed that my marriage had been dissolved by the courts of Jackson County, Missouri. In layman’s terms, Wendy and I are no longer husband and wife.

This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that was close to either of us, as we’ve been separated for the past year and a half. It’s really felt that we’ve been divorced for such a long time, and that the judge’s signature was just a technicality. Again, that time seems to get lost.

Wendy and I were together for almost eight years, and though we sit in different residences and lead different lives, I don’t think that either of us regret our time together. We both grew up a lot during those years and learned quite a bit about life, love and one another. Eight years is a long time, and considering I have a hard time telling anyone what I did three days earlier, I have so many memories from those eight years. Memories that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Memories I don’t consider priceless, they’re non-negotiable.

Those times are over. But not all times for her and I... just the ones where she’s my wife and I’m her husband.

In our lifetime, we’re going to witness a lot of failed marriages. Unfortunately for a lot of those involved in those dissolutions, the bond won’t be strong enough to last past the end.

I’m blessed that Wendy was my wife, my confidant and one of my best friends. I’m even more blessed that she still is one of my best friends and relish in the knowledge that our bond won’t change. Friends, and family alike, say they don’t quite understand how we’re able to do that. Honestly, I don’t know either. But they just don’t know us like we know us. We’re special.

If this has read like a funeral, then I apologize. While finding out the news was a bit odd (the ultimate realization of it all), I’m not worried or scared that this will change things all that greatly. Wendy and I have already joked about throwing a divorce reception and giving back presents we received for the wedding, but I warn you, we returned some of that crap long ago (who needs THREE automatic ice cream machines?).

Kidding aside, what I’m trying to say is that while our marriage is officially over, our friendship is strong and shows no sign of wavering. I love my Wendy Michelle, more than I ever anticipated loving someone, and I’m glad I do. Thank you for being you and thank you for our lives, times and memories together. I so look forward to our future times and stories to tell. Like you said, Wendy, we ARE family.

Posted by Seth at 02:40 PM | Comments (1)

December 12, 2005

Raising The Bar

Some consider me to be an early adopter. I’m highly motivated to stay on top of most news and current events (in the tech world). And in my job, it’s very important to stay on top of the latest ways to write code and create a better user experience. But to say that I’m an early adopter in the sense that I have all the latest gadgets and trinkets...? To that notion, I scoff, laugh at and mock you. Case in point – I didn’t have a cell phone until two years ago and still don’t rock out to an iPod.

But now, today, I officially become an early adopter because I now have in my hands a brand new Sony Ericsson W600i – also know as, the Walkman Phone.

Unfortunately, for Verizon, I had to switch to another carrier to get a cool phone. That’s what happens when you carry crappy phones. Unfortunately for me, I had to switch phone numbers because of the way I ordered it (who wouldn’t want a free bad ass phone?). If you’d like my new number, let me know.

“Can you hear me now?” I hope so, Verizon, because you can kiss my booty.

Posted by Seth at 08:00 PM | Comments (3)

December 11, 2005

Hollywood = Creative

I so can’t wait for December 21! Yeah, it’s close to Christmas, but that’s not why. Sure it’ll be the day after we find out who won our bowling league, but that’s not why either. Of course Arkansas will be playing a tough game at Texas Tech, but that’s not why I’ll be excited.

If you’re counting down the days like I am, December 21 will be one of the few days in entertainment history that you can spend less than $20 and see two, count ’em, two family comedies that star, on average, 19 kids!

Holy crap, Seth!!!

I know!!!

And you can see both movies in a theater!!! BACK-TO-BACK, EVEN!!!

Talk about heaven!!! And an excuse to use five sets of three exclamation marks!

Not only are both movies remakes of older, dare I say, classics... but both will grace the screen in time for my Christmas vacation. I just can’t decide which to see first...

“Yours, Mine and Ours” is about two widows that get married and combine their two hellaciously big families. It stars Dennis Quid and Rene Russo and also has Jerry O’Connell and two sets of twins.

“Cheaper By The Dozen 2,” the sequel to the ever-popular “Cheaper By The Dozen,” finds the Baker family on vacation and in the middle of a competition with a rival family with eight children. It stars Steve Martin and Bonnie hunt and also stars Piper Perabo, Hilary Duff, Tom Welling, and also sports two sets of twins. Bonus... there’s even an appearance by Carmen Electra!

As you can see, I’m torn. But I do know one thing, after I see these two gems, I’ll totally wish I was Catholic and/or lived on a farm.

Posted by Seth at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

December 10, 2005

Sethamphetamine

The following is a (slightly embellished) conversation I had, the other morning, when purchasing some Sudafed from a local Walgreens Drug store...

Seth: (handing Sudafed ticket to WalgreensMan) Since when do I have to get Sudafed from behind the counter?

WalgreensMan: Oh, this has been going on for a while now.

Seth: Why is this?

WalgreensMan: Well, apparently there’s an ingredient in Sudafed that helps create meth.

Seth: Whoa.

WalgreensMan: Yeah. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. I mean, who wants to be strung out and awake for 72 hours straight?

Seth: No kidding. So you write my name and driver’s license number down in that book?

WalgreensMan: Heh... it’s really just a binder.

Seth: You don’t have to turn that in anywhere?

WalgreensMan: Nope.

Seth: Weird. You’d think that with all the computers that we have nowadays that we could create a system to input all that information.

WalgreensMan: Yeah. I thought that, too.

Seth: So we’re really not trying to make it too hard for someone to buy a ton of this stuff...

WalgreensMan: Well, no one’s going to come in here and buy a lot if we have their name written down.

Seth: True. But couldn’t they just go to another drug store?

WalgreensMan: Yeah, I guess. But who has time to do that?

Seth: Uhhh... the same people strung out and awake for 72 hours straight?

WalgreensMan: *blank stare*


Is this just another stupid rule that we’ve issued to make us feel safer? I mean, if we REALLY wanted to track who’s buying tons of Sudafed, I think we’d have some tracking system in place by now. Hell, the FBI already tracks people who check out certain books in libraries, is this such a far stretch to imagine?

If my scenario were true, then some strung out doper looking to buy tons of Sudafed could have a hay-day in Kansas City. Doing a simple search for “Pharmacies” on Yahoo! Yellow Pages pulls up 200 results. 200...

And now I ask, “how’s that war on drugs going?”

Posted by Seth at 11:37 PM | Comments (3)

December 04, 2005

Observations from a Taco Bell

Yesterday I went and did a little Christmas shopping up in North Kansas City (Scoot’s a dick) Kansas City, North. Whenever I go up there, and I feel a twinge of hunger coming on, I make a pilgrimage to the local Taco Bell (which also doubles as a Pizza Hut). I usually reserve a trip to Taco Bell if I’m on the road, driving somewhere (out of town)... but shopping in the northland somehow makes the venture an acceptable one.

My typical poison at Taco Bell is the Chicken Quesadilla, but that all changed when the Crunchwrap Supreme came out. Unfortunately, you can’t order those anymore – tally those up on the long list of limited time items that rocked (others that rocked: the Mini Burritos and Frito Burritos easily top that list, for me). No, this time instead of falling back on the default quesadillas, I ordered the new Chipotle Grilled Stuft Burrito. Nice name, eh? More on that in a second.

When I make these dining trips to Taco Bell, I choose to go it alone, take my time eating my meal and spend a great deal of time people-watching. Below are some casual observations and other random thoughts about my experience(s) at the Bell (and the Taco Bell web site).

Try the New Cheesy Spicy Grilled Chipotle Wrapped Bean Gordita with Nacho Sauce
What is with these names!?! Ironically, SNL made a great parody commercial (that aired last night) that illustrates this point beautifully. You can’t make “new” items by putting different ingredients on it and just how many items can you make up that are supposed to be mexican food? And lastly, if these items are here for a limited time, say so, there’s nothing worse than getting a craving for something and not being able to get it.

Numeros y Idiomas
There’s something about a hispanic employee (that barely speaks a lick of english) that makes Taco Bell seem more authentic and the meal taste better.

I Like the Look of That
My favorite thing to look at inside of a Taco Bell is the vertical rack of sauces. There’s four, or five, of them, all different colors and I’m betting they’re arranged to be visually appealing.

Taco Bell Resort
Since when did Taco Bell become the family vacation spot? The past five times I’ve been there, I think there were at least two families with, on average, three children running around. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s strange that it’s quite the family hang out.

Say “Fresco”... Say What?
According to the web site, this is what you’re supposed to say when you want to replace cheese and sauce with fiesta salad salsa for lower fat. Fiesta what? Salad? Couldn’t you just order a taco salad if you wanted salad? (Jill’s a bitch) Salsa? If I want salsa on my food, I’ll ask for “salsa,” not “fresco.” Besides, the fine print on the web site says that the Fresco Style reduces fat by 25% for “most menu items.”

What’s Hotter: Mild or Medium?
This isn’t necessarily a quip at Taco Bell, but at salsa-makers in general... in my mind Mild and Medium are the same. Can we change Mild to Not-Hot? And why is there Fire sauce? In real life, fires are hot, not mild. Let’s drop the Hot from Taco Bell and make it Medium and then make Medium, Not-Hot. Perfect.

I should totally be Taco Bell’s CEO, but there’s no way in hell I’d ever approve a tag line such as, “make a run for the border.” *shudder*

Posted by Seth at 05:56 PM | Comments (9)

December 01, 2005

Destroy Windows Media Player

Patience is a virtue and I like to think of myself as a patient man. Granted, I don’t enjoy waiting for buses and I loathe bad/idiotic drivers, but I’m generally a patient person. Maybe there’s varying degrees of patience, because I just thought of about 17 more things that I don’t like waiting on. Get to the point...

Plain and simple, Windows Media Player sucks and I hate it. There’s almost nothing worse in the interactive world than Windows Media Player. Seriously. The software sucks. Video files created in that format, suck. The whole idea of “streaming,” sucks. It doesn’t work well enough and it makes me feel green and Hulk-ish. I want to smash my computer when I’m trying to watch a video and it stops every five seconds with that damn “buffering” message. Buffer this (middle finger), you sons-a-bitches, I’m on a super fast connection, you don’t have to buffer anything!

So why is it still around and why do people insist on using it? Why can’t we just get everything video-related in QuickTime? That would rock.

Even better... how about all video is converted into Flash!?!

According to a survey that’s conducted for Macromedia, by NPD, 97.3% of internet users have a Flash Player installed on their machines. Windows Media Player isn’t far behind, at 84.8%, but I attribute that to the software being pre-installed on Widnows machines. What’s worse is that for Windows users, you get version 10... Mac users, sorry, version 9 is the latest.

Flash Player, in case you didn’t know, isn’t platform dependent – you get the same version of the software for both Macs and PCs. Same with QuickTime, and iTunes, and FireFox. But guess what doesn’t, Internet Explorer (for Mac). Yes, IE for the Mac sucked so bad (even though at one point it was the best browser for standards compliance) that they gave up and don’t make it anymore (so if you’re using it now, stop and get a better browser).

Back to the point... stop making things in Windows Media Player, it’s good at sucking. If it didn’t alert you enough, one-third of the name should have tipped you off that it’s no good.

On a weird side note, do other people associate Bush, Microsoft and Wal-Mart all in the same camp? For some reason, I do.

Posted by Seth at 01:21 PM | Comments (5)