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July 19, 2007
I Went Waterskiing!
I went on an amazing adventure today. Check it out!
Posted by Seth at 05:23 PM | Comments (4)
July 18, 2007
BMN: Captivity
“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
This week we had to break the rules for Bad Movie Night, as there were no bad movies still in town that had been in release for more than a week. Lucky for us, there was a real stinker out there. Even luckier, as we near the second half of the summer movie session, the movies tend to get worse. Luckier still, there was no Wanda Sykes in the movie this week. But there was still an omen present – Elisha Cuthbert was the star of the film and it was showing in theater 24... flashbacks to crappy television shows and mountain lions were ever present.
&lduo;Captivity” was the bad movie for the week and it wasn't adorned with good reviews – just how we like 'em. In fact, by the time we watched it, the rating was sitting at 7% and four positive reviews. Four. Here's one of the pull-quotes of those reviews:
Does exactly what it says on the tin, grabbing viewers unawares and keeping them in its thrall for an hour and a half of non-stop, heart-pounding exploitation kicks.
Let me translate that for you, it kept the viewers in captivity and tortured them for an hour and a half with an incredibly sucky film.
The guy who directed this movie (Roland Joffé) is the same person that brought us The Killing Fields and The Mission – both nominated for Oscars. What the hell happened? I'll tell you, he's also one of the four directors that gave the world the critically-acclaimed blockbuster, Super Mario Bros., the movie.
I can only imagine after a seven year layoff, Joffé was looking through the want ads in Variety and came across this ad:
ACCOMPLISHED DIRECTOR WANTED
Director needed for new Torture Porn flick that has association/distancing issues. The film is a lot like Saw and Hostel, but it's not. The film's plot is similar to Scream and Murder by Numbers, but it's different. It has been written in a way that's very by-the-numbers and everyone who watches it will be able to guess the ending (you know, mother issues). Screenplay will also show that most killers are well off and have tons of time/money to set up elaborate torture chambers in their basement. Sequels possible, but not probable. Marketing campaign will more than likely be better than the film. Approximate budget is $14,000 and most of that goes to the special effects company that will blur out Elisha Cuthbert's stripping scene. Director must supply own house for filming location and if you have any ins with a cool night club, that would rock. Serious inquiries only.
How could he NOT apply? What a perfect way to break back into the Hollywood scene. I should start scouring those want ads. I could be directing this kind of filth.
Posted by Seth at 07:00 AM | Comments (2)
July 17, 2007
BMN: License to Wed
“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
Two weeks ago we had to endure the painful (and expensive) Evan Almighty for Bad Movie Night. It must have been fate to treat us bad movie watchers with more stars of The Office for a second consecutive week. This past week's movie was a co-starring vehicle for John Krasinski (aka, Jim Halpert) and Mandy Moore.
Unfortunately, for all us filmgoers, those two apparently not strong enough to open a movie, so Robin Williams was cast as the antagonist.
Currently, “License to Wed” is rated at 8% rotten on RottenTomatoes.com. Seeing ratings like that doesn't bode well for the movie, but that's exactly what we're looking for in a bad movie.
The movie started off great with Christine Taylor being drunk at a party and saying some pretty funny things. By the time Robin Williams strolled into the movie, we all let out a big sigh. We knew the movie was going to tank at that moment.
And wouldn't you know it, not long after Williams showed up, so did the harbinger of bad movies – Wanda Sykes – who's not even credited with being in the movie.
Surprisingly, I don't think the movie was all that bad. Krasinski had some great Carell-esque moments and for the most part, it wasn't an annoying flick.
So why did it get an 8% at RT? My guess is that the movie couldn't figure out what it wanted to be. Was it a rip-off of “Meet the Parents” or “Just Married”? Was it a romance movie or a comedy? Was the star Robin Williams, John Krasinski or the other three co-stars from The Office?
Ultimately, the movie was way too formulaic. Kids are in love. They want to get married. They set the date. There are complications. The wedding is called off. They both realize they're idiots. They get married.
If you've seen the trailers, they actually do a disservice to the film. It's a great case of taking the wrong moments from a movie and placing them into the single-most influential selling piece for films. It makes me wonder if the critics really watched the film or just the trailers.
Did it deserve an 8%? No. But I wouldn't rate it above a 35%.
Posted by Seth at 02:43 PM | Comments (1)
July 16, 2007
Thirty Days Years of Night Life
Yesterday I turned 30.
Today I don’t feel any different than before. Sure everyone keeps telling me one of two things – that your 30s are the best OR that I’m old balls now. Whichever camp you’re in, I think it’s more of a mindset than anything else.
When I was turning 25, I read some article that spoke about being at the height of your career at age 29. At that moment, I felt like I needed to scramble and accomplish as many things as I could before turning 29. It’s no secret that I really didn’t accomplish a whole lot of things and I still have plenty of room to grow in my career. I don’t think that 29 is the magic number anymore, it’s just a mindset.
To celebrate my 30th in style, I headed down to Branson, Mo., over the weekend to meet up with 13 friends at Silver Dollar City. We had a blast. It’s not the greatest amusement park in the United States, but when you’re in a large group of friends that genuinely enjoy hanging out with one another, some great moments are had.
Then yesterday, after work, all of my local friends came out to Harry’s Country Club for some adult beverages. I didn’t last the entire night, but I really enjoyed everyone’s company and assistance with ushering me into my 30s.
Thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthdays. If I had a giant bubble to put over the past three days and keep forever, I would.
Posted by Seth at 02:18 PM | Comments (5)
July 07, 2007
Some More... Than Meets the Eye
A few days ago, I gave my negative review of the “Transformers” movie. It needs to be known that when I was going to see the film for the first time, I had recently finished reading “the official prequel novel,” Ghosts of Yesterday. Having the prequel so fresh on my mind overly tainted my view of the movie because it didn’t follow the tone OR the story that the book presented. My biggest complaint, still, is that if you’re going to release a movie and also have an “official prequel,” they need to work as a cohesive piece.
Today I went to see Transformers again, and upon a second viewing (where I actually got to see the final 20 minutes of the movie), I have a slightly different outlook on the film.
In my original review, I gave the film a 5 outta 10. I’m going to change that score to an 8. That’s right, I changed my mind, but I feel that I was justified in the original review based on my being ultra-nerdy and trying to be all up to speed on the story lines.
The effects were phenomenal – there was only a few times where some things didn’t seem right, but the blend of real objects intermixed with CG was amazing. The sound design was incredible – I don’t know what an Non-Biological Extraterrestrial sounds like, but chances are, it sounds like what they made it out to be. For most of the movie, the acting seemed real and the situations genuine.
While most of the movie was good, there were still some bad things, too. First off, I’m not too happy that Spielberg refers to the film as a “Family Film.” This tid-bit of knowledge is from the Wikipedia entry for the movie:
Michael Bay was convinced by executive producer Steven Spielberg to direct the film despite not being a fan of the series, to make his first family film.
I still have a little trouble with the continuity issues from prequel novel to the movie (I mean, who makes movies that loosely follow what a prequel establishes?). On the first page of the novel, it talks about the year being 1969 when Megatron is being moved to a secure base, in the movie, it was 1934 (probably to coincide with the actual time that the Hoover Dam was built). The slightest bit of consistancy goes a looong way.
How is it that no Transformer, Decepticon or Autobot, can detect the AllSpark from outside the dam, but when Frenzy finds Megatron and the AllSpark, he’s able to send a message to all other Decepticons? Seemed a little too convenient.
And what about Megatron’s first words after coming out of stasis – “I am Megatron!” First off, he’s been frozen since the late 1800s, if not longer. I doubt he learned the English language that quickly. Secondly, did he feel some sudden urge to tell everyone who he was? Ooo, ooo, maybe he was asked what his name was right before he froze.
In his review of the film, Matt Arado, of the Daily Herald, had this to say:
Director Michael Bay, one of the most commercially successful and critically reviled of filmmakers ("Armageddon," "Pearl Harbor"), can always be counted on for great-looking effects. And the Transformers here look stunning. Bay says that Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, was designed as having more than 10,000 moving parts, and you can see just about every one.
It’s shocking, then, that Bay relegates the Transformers to little more than supporting players. They stand around and do nothing for the painfully slow middle third of the film, replaced by sitcom-level comic relief - Optimus Prime says "Oops, my bad!" at one point - and a weak romance subplot.
He’s got a point. I think that the writers depicted all of the Autobots’ personas spot-on, except Prime’s. He’s always the serious one. I’m all for adding depth to a character that you already know, but according to the Wikipedia entry:
His (Peter Cullen) vocal performance consisted of much improvisation with Bay and bringing a sense of humor to Prime, as well as portraying his traditional heroism.
I know, nitpicking. But it was a fun movie and I enjoyed it. Seems like a LOT of other people are enjoying it, too. That’s a good thing for Dreamworks, seeing as they’ve already approved two sequels. Please, can you bring Soundwave back, ghetto-blaster style!?!
Posted by Seth at 06:01 PM | Comments (1)
July 05, 2007
BMN: Evan Almighty
“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
I remember a few years ago when “Bruce Almighty” came out and how I thought that it wasn't the typical let-Jim-Carrey-go-crazy-and-we'll-film-it kind of movies. In fact, the one thing I do remember most was when Steve Carell stole the show by doing his blabbering anchorman bit. I was laughing so hard, I nearly wet myself.
With the current huge popularity of The Office (American version) and Steve Carell, it only made sense for Hollywood to not try and create something new and unique, but to reach back and create a sequel to an already semi-established franchise, “Evan Almighty”. It wasn't fair enough for Universal to make millions off of “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” so they sunk a record $175 million to make it. Yes, $175 MILLION, which would put it right above “The Polar Express,” at number 15, in Forbes' Most Expensive Movies list.
What exactly does $175M get you these days?
- For starters, the title of “most expensive comedy ever made.”
- A break-even number of around $500M – when you add in all the marketing dollars.
- About 15 dances by Carell. Dances, I might add, that the director REALLY wanted everyone to be doing by the movie's end.
- Around 32 Wanda Sykes jokes that fell flat.
[Side Note: Is Sykes the omen of a bad movie? Evidence Item #1. Evidence Item #2. Evidence Item #3. Evidence Item #4. Evidence Item #5.] - Hilarious montage of Carell nearly murdering himself with archaic tools.
- Many animals pooping on John Goodman – while you're looking for all the spots you need to clean, Nik wonders if you could find your career as well, as its gone missing.
- Nearly the entire crew from The Daily Show. And sadly, THAT doesn't even make the movie funny.
- A leaky plot where (SPOILERS), for months, Carell warns of an imminent flood and builds a giant boat to save himself, his family and tons of non-Northern American animals. Then, when the flood isn't produced by rain, but by a dam that fell apart, NO ONE in Congress, or Washington DC, thought that this crazy guy, who said he talked to God, might have BLOWN UP the damn dam? Sheesh... the ONE time we need Homeland Security...
- A 23% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
All in all, not too shabby for $175M.
Scoot and I both agreed that this wasn't 23% bad. Maybe around 40ish. But to spend that kind of money, have a leading man like Carell, and to NOT produce a half-way decent film? Well, leave it to Hollywood.
Next week we round out the back-to-back Office weeks with *shudder* “License to Wed.”
Posted by Seth at 11:07 PM | Comments (0)
July 04, 2007
Less Than Meets the Eye
I was giddy all day. Scratch that, I’d been excited for several weeks. I couldn’t wait to see the live screen adaptation of one of my most beloved childhood television shows. Granted, it was Michael Bay directing – who brought us such gems as “Armageddon,” “Pearl Harbor,” and “The Island” – but he couldn’t mess this home run up, could he? To check out just how good/bad the movie was, several of us met up at the Ameristar Casino to see “Transformers,” for free (thanks to Dept. Zero).
Going into the movie, I already had an idea of the story behind the story – remember, I read a nerdy book a while back that was the prequel to the movie. Before I go any further, here’s a summary of that book (it’ll be important later, oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT FROM HERE ON OUT):
On the day in Earth’s history that saw the launch of Apollo 13, was also the day that Ghost 1 launched into space. Ghost 1 was a space ship built by a secret government agency (Sector Seven) and was done so by reverse engineering the technology found on a giant metal robot dubbed, “The Iceman,” aka, Megatron. The robot had been found in artic circle many years ago and scientists had been studying him ever since.
As Ghost 1 rocketed into outer space, the ship went into a worm hole and they wound up in a part of the galaxy no one knew existed. They thought they were alone until they ran into both the Decepticons and Autobots – both sects were searching the universe for the Allspark. By (for the lack of a better term) hacking into the human ship’s computers, both Decepticons and Autobots were able to learn about human civilization, the English language and the whereabouts of Megatron (and possibly the Allspark).
That’s basically the gist of the book – the Earthlings made contact with the Transformers, thus dooming our planet’s future. And the human crew said as much when they were making contact with Earth, that the planet needs to prepare for visitors related to The Iceman.
So how does the book fit into the movie? Sometimes seamlessly and other times, not at all.
Where’d the technology go?
My biggest gripe is that scientists and engineers had been studying Megatron for close to, if not more than, 100 years. In the book, by the 60s they had made a freaking space ship based on his technology. A space ship. Capable of intergalatic travel. That’s HUGE scientific progress.
In the movie, the only technology we had shown capable of when dealing with the Transformers was rope guns to tie them down, fire extinguishers to keep them in stasis and that we had somehow harnessed energy radiating from the Allspark to turn cell phones into Transformers. The only thing that Sector Seven had to show for themselves was a giant security complex built in Hoover Dam and tons of science folk walking around in HVAC suits with clipboards.
We all scream for Starscream!
As was evident in the book and television series for years, Starscream – Megatron’s second in command – was always vying to become leader of the Decepticons. In the book, he’s the one that finds Megatron’s whereabouts and tries to hide it from the other robots, so he could get to Earth, find the Allspark and get rid of Megatron once and for all.
In the movie, it appears that Starscream has little to do with anything that happens, but there was a minimal quip from Megatron that Starscream had failed him once again. Maybe there was something more at the end of the movie, which we missed, but that's a major storyline that just didn't come through at all.
Those wacky Autobots?
What is it that possesses directors to put people/things in fish out of water situations? The stupid NASCAR commercials come to mind, but in this case, it’s the Autobots all hiding around Shia LeBeouf’s house. Some are crawling on all fours, one gets upset that the dog pee’d on him, etc. These are the freaking Transformers! They’re giant robots that can transform into different things. They don’t hide and they didn’t learn English from the World Wide Web (they learned it from the humans in the book).
I don’t want bag on the movie too much (and I COULD keep going), because it was a fun popcorn movie. The effects were better than most movies, though I wish they would spend more time on letting us actually see what’s going on than shaking the camera around so much and hiding the effects. I need to go see it again, because we missed the last 10-20 minutes due to a fire alarm, maybe I’ll have a better feel for it this next time.
Aside from what I talked about above, I must say that I’m tired of directors like Bay and Spielberg coming into movies like this one and “War of the Worlds” and trying to make them into family movies with overstated morals and cheesy writing. That’s not what audiences are going to these types of movies for. They want action, decent story with no frill and more action. This was a chance to really take a stand with a summer blockbuster and not try to put any of that un-needed touchy feely crap in it, but they just couldn’t resist.
Need more evidence? Re-watch the teaser trailer and remember how ominous and exciting it was. Then think to when Bumblebee is peeing on John Turturro and ask yourself where the movie went wrong.
I had fun watching it, but it gets no better than a 5 out of 10 in my book (which is about par for the course) for not following the prequel book or attempting to be a movie different than any other Bay offerings. Chalk it up as another one of those movies that “could’ve been.”
Oh, and Happy Fourth of July everyone!
Posted by Seth at 12:23 PM | Comments (6)
July 03, 2007
Hairy Situation
Living in a warehouse that’s been converted into loft apartments can be a mess. Opening windows in said loft while there’s an arena, and entertainment center, being built one block away is an invitation for dust everywhere. Having a cat as a roommate in that very same loft, that has some carpet for hair to stick to, can be a mess.
Levi, who recently turned one and graduated to big kitty food, is a hairy beast. I know I said she was a sea creature before, but she’s since abandoned the water and has likened herself to a sasquatch. Being a short-haired cat, it’s amazing how much hair she sheds in a week.
It hasn’t really been a problem, until I realized that when I swept the floors, 50% of the hair was being shot into the air to settle AFTER I was done sweeping. Not good. She’s also taken to the habit of sleeping on top of my couch cushions. Doubly not good, especially to someone with a slight allergy to cats. (I know, spare me the lecture.)
While searching the internet for a better cleaning product for Levi’s colored DNA, I happened across a site that praised electrostatic rubber-bristled brushes. Off to the store I went and picked up a Pet Hair Eliminator broom and Grooming brush.
This thing is amazing. I spent almost two hours scouring my floor, carpet, couch and desk chair. The result is the pile of fur you see in the above photo.
And I wonder how/why I’ve had so many sinus infections lately?
Posted by Seth at 07:00 AM | Comments (6)
July 02, 2007
Scoot says, “Huzzah.” I say, “Meh.”
There's an event that occurs once a year in the Kansas City area, and I always do my best to steer as clear away from it as I can. It takes a full month and a half of dodging, but I've been very successful in my attempts thus far. I'm talking about the Kansas City Renaissance Festival.
I think my luck is going to change this year. There's a group of co-workers that REALLY want to go and I have, reluctantly, agreed to go. Ugh.
The whole thought of this place is so revolting to me. I feel dirty (physically) just thinking about it and will probably require a shower as soon as I leave this place.
Seriously, who wants to spend a good chunk of their day with people dressed up like they're from 500+ years prior? If we look at history, there's a good reason why 25% of the people in Europe died from the bubonic plague – everyone was nasty and dirty.
When I think of the renfest, I think of huge fat men with unkempt beards in silly hats, holding a goblet of beer in one hand and a giant turkey leg in the other. Their clothes and mouth are covered in turkey bites that have fallen out of his mouth because he's laughing hysterically about how rich he is. He also has somehow stuffed a full handful of grapes into his mouth and is slobbering grape sludge every where. He probably hits the table, or people, with the turkey leg when he wants attention and also takes it to the restroom with him when he needs to relieve himself. All very clean and sanitary when dealing with animals that practically live in your quarters and the roads are all dirt.
Couple that image with people in modern day talking as if they're from whatever year they think they're from, and it's almost too much for me to handle. It's much worse than those who choose to dress up like Star Trek or Star Wars characters for conventions.
Why do people love the renfest? I can't answer that question. But if I were a very evil man, with limitless resources of power and money, I think I'd have to coin a new term – Renocide. I would feel very compelled to eliminate all of those who love renfest. I probably wouldn't think twice, either. Creeps.
Huzzah that, Scoot.
Posted by Seth at 07:00 AM | Comments (1)
July 01, 2007
Get a Damn Birthday, Garrett!
Taking a trip to South Dakota with my grandparents wasn’t exactly how I envisioned my summer. I wanted to stay in town and hang out with my friends – I had things I needed to get done. It wasn’t my choice, though. So with my stuff packed, I hopped into the car with my grandparents and off we went.
I fought it tooth and nail the whole time. I was what some would call a mama’s boy and had a large case of home-sickness. I’ve been told that nearly every night I would show my grandparents an atlas and point to where the nearest airports were. I desperately wanted to go home.
One morning, not too far into our trip, I was woken up in the morning with some great news. My brother, Garrett, had been born.
That was twenty-one years ago.
Now Garrett, who is head and shoulders bigger than me, is of legal age. It’s kind of surreal to me. Not only because it feels like it was just yesterday that he was running around outside our house in Fayetteville in nothing but his underwear and a bible in his hand, screaming at the neighbors that he had his “bible book,” it also signals my final 15 days until turning 30.
I know that we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye (especially when you would lay at the base of my door, just trying to see what I was doing), but I love you bud. I hope your 21st is awesome and that this year is an amazing one. Happy Birthday.
Posted by Seth at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)