July02

Scoot says, “Huzzah.” I say, “Meh.”

There's an event that occurs once a year in the Kansas City area, and I always do my best to steer as clear away from it as I can. It takes a full month and a half of dodging, but I've been very successful in my attempts thus far. I'm talking about the Kansas City Renaissance Festival.

I think my luck is going to change this year. There's a group of co-workers that REALLY want to go and I have, reluctantly, agreed to go. Ugh.

The whole thought of this place is so revolting to me. I feel dirty (physically) just thinking about it and will probably require a shower as soon as I leave this place.

Seriously, who wants to spend a good chunk of their day with people dressed up like they're from 500+ years prior? If we look at history, there's a good reason why 25% of the people in Europe died from the bubonic plague – everyone was nasty and dirty.

When I think of the renfest, I think of huge fat men with unkempt beards in silly hats, holding a goblet of beer in one hand and a giant turkey leg in the other. Their clothes and mouth are covered in turkey bites that have fallen out of his mouth because he's laughing hysterically about how rich he is. He also has somehow stuffed a full handful of grapes into his mouth and is slobbering grape sludge every where. He probably hits the table, or people, with the turkey leg when he wants attention and also takes it to the restroom with him when he needs to relieve himself. All very clean and sanitary when dealing with animals that practically live in your quarters and the roads are all dirt.

Couple that image with people in modern day talking as if they're from whatever year they think they're from, and it's almost too much for me to handle. It's much worse than those who choose to dress up like Star Trek or Star Wars characters for conventions.

Why do people love the renfest? I can't answer that question. But if I were a very evil man, with limitless resources of power and money, I think I'd have to coin a new term – Renocide. I would feel very compelled to eliminate all of those who love renfest. I probably wouldn't think twice, either. Creeps.

Huzzah that, Scoot.

+ original post date: July 2, 2007 07:00 AM
+ categories: All About Seth, Family/Friends, KC, WTF