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October 25, 2008

BMN: My Best Friend's Girl

“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
– Someone who (obviously) thinks we’re doing ourselves a service.

This is the crappy movie poster Dane Cook ranted about.I'll tell you what sucks – taking a drink of water, only to realize it's an extremely watered down and iced Sprite. Geee-rooooooosss. Usually the taste leaves you after a while, but that initial reaction, ugh. It kind of reminds me of the BMN from a few weeks ago, "My Best Friend's Girl," a romantic comedy starring (a quickly fading in popularity) Dane Cook and (I want to look more like my mom, so I slather make-up on everywhere) Goldie Hawn Kate Hudson. Also, somewhere in there, you can add in Jason Biggs and Alec Baldwin.

I REALLY didn't want to see this movie. The reason? A Dane Cook rom-com. Blech. I already don't like his stand-up routines (which he allegedly steals from various sources), but when I heard about Cook ranting over the movie poster, it just reeked of movie stunt, which led me to believe that the movie needed anything it could get in terms of promotion.

So there we were, sitting in the theater to see a 17% Rotten movie just knowing it was going to suck.

That's when the nasty taste of Sprite came through instead of water.

The movie is funny. Not so funny that I'll run out and buy it or see it again in theaters. But it's funny. Dane Cook is lude and vulgar, sure, but it's the things that he, and Baldwin, say that are great. It's really a movie where the writers wanted to see how far they could push the audience before getting disgusted.

And therein lies the problem. This was pitched as a romantic comedy. Sure there were elements of a romantic comedy, but this was clearly more of a "Knocked Up," or, "American Pie" type story. You can't have couples going in there for a sweet date movie and only have the dude laughing while the chick sits there with her arms folded over. That's why I think it received such rotten reviews, because the critics were expecting one thing while being delivered something entirely different.

"My Best Friend's Girl" was easily the best bad movie I've ever seen. A 17% rating doesn't do it justice. I could see this somewhere in the 50's. If you like raunchy comedies, then I suggest watching it. The laughs you get are worth the time.

Posted by Seth at 07:32 AM | Comments (1)

October 24, 2008

All Married Up

I believe it was 1998 when I traveled to St. Louis to pick up one of my bestest friends. He came back with me to live in Fayetteville and graduate from the same high school he spent the previous two years at. If you can't do the math, that was over ten years ago. Dude went on to graduate from the University of Arkansas in the same town and has since become engaged and now, married.

Ashlee and I went down a few weekends ago to participate in the wedding festivities:

I'd say the wedding went off without a hitch, but that's easy because the two people it was all about are some of the best in the world.

Congratulations Trip and Stephanie! You totally married it!

Posted by Seth at 07:19 AM | Comments (1)

October 23, 2008

Aware of Burglars

I'll tell you what's scary, receiving a phone call from your security system provider in the middle of the afternoon. Their message, "your alarm is going off." What's scarier is driving home because the police legally can't go to your house without you since the alarm hasn't been registered with the state (thanks for telling us that, provider). Scarier yet? Waiting at the house for the cops and not being able to see what the hell is going on.

The best part, the kitchen door leading down to the basement had come open because it wasn't locked completely. Who felt like an idiot? This guy.

Posted by Seth at 07:12 AM | Comments (2)

October 22, 2008

Staph is Serious

Kellen Winslow has staph, and it sucks.This week, Kellen Winslow (a tight end for the Cleveland Browns) was suspended for some comments he made about his recent illness. Winslow spent three days at the Cleveland Clinic earlier this month for a staph infection. Apparently, it's his second such infection and the team's sixth reported case in the last three years.Winslow says that the team asked him to conceal his illness and that the team's general manager didn't check on him while he was in the hospital.

Conceal the illness? Wow.

I've had a bout with staph this year – four times already over the summer and fall – and it's not something to take lightly. According to various sources, Staph Bacteria kill more people a year than HIV. The reason is that the bacteria evolve and become more resistant to the antibodies that we use to treat it with.

Sure, maybe Winslow shouldn't have been all outspoken about it... but if the Cleveland Browns are having repeated issues like this in their locker room, then something needs to be done about it.

Posted by Seth at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)

October 01, 2008

BMN: Bangkok Dangerous

“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
– Someone who (obviously) thinks we’re doing ourselves a service.

Nicolas Cage stars as Nicolas Cage the hitman in Bangkok DangerousOi vey. Since when did Nicolas Cage start doing bad movies? It looks like around 2000 with "Gone in 60 Seconds." Sure, you're sitting there saying, "but that was a fun movie, Angelina Jolie had dreads!" And then I ask you to kindly shut up and think about it really hard and then tell me if it was a GOOD movie. Surprisingly, you say, "yes, it was a good movie... I like Nic Cage." If you feel like that, then you probably enjoyed his other "good" movies from the past eight years, like, "The Family Man," "The Wicker Man," and "The Weather Man." Wait, what the hell? Does Cage have some clause in his contract that he can only do movies with "man" in the title?

The latest gem that stars Nic Cage is "Bangkok Dangerous," a (wait for it) remake of a Thai film with the same name (it even has the SAME directors from the original film). Bangkok is floating around a 10% on RottenTomatoes.com right now and the crazy thing is even though the movie is poorly reviewed, it ended up as a number 1 movie for it's opening weekend. During that weekend, it made around $8M. That did two things for the film – it almost set a record for lowest weekend gross for a #1 film AND it actually made Lionsgate a profit. Wow. Talk about setting expectations high.

Speaking of expectations, mine were none too high for this Cage-starrer, in fact, I nearly fell asleep towards the end of the film because I really didn't care. Cage gave his typical, "I'm Nicolas Cage and tonight I'll be playing the part of Nicolas Cage," acting routine. Which puts him right up there with other non-acting favorites such as Jeff Goldblum, George Clooney and Helen Hunt. Imagine a movie with all of those regular people actors in it ... they'd make MILLIONS!

But if the film did one thing for the viewers, it taught us all how to be hitmen. And in reality, it's actually not that tough! [SPOILER ALERT]

The Four Rules of Being a Hitman (according to "Bangkok Dangerous")

Rule #1: Don't ask questions
This is ultimate duh rule. You don't ask questions about who you're going to kill! You don't care, or rather, you shouldn't care. Just kill them and get your paycheck. Oh, and remember what their eyes look like – not that you'll be close enough to their eyes to make the hit. I'm just saying... good advice.

Rule #2: There is no right or wrong
You know, this one really isn't a rule, per se. It's more of a statement. I guess we at the Hitman HQ could rename it to "don't think there is a right or wrong answer." Hmmm, that's just confusing the issue. Okay, look, I don't care if your mark is Hitler or Mother Teresa, just take them out. And don't judge us with your judgey eyes, we're not copywriters. We're killers. For hire. (Call us.)

Rule #3: Don't get involved
Don't get involved with no one, no how. For example, and I'm just making this up as I go, don't fall in love with, hmmm, deaf pharmacists that could make you want to be the good guy you really are. Or, how about this one, say you hire a thief to be your errand boy and he ends up doing his best T-Pain song impersonation of "I'm in love with a stripper," then, out of the blue, asks you to teach him how to be a hitman... don't do it. Just don't get involved. Sheesh.

Rule #4: Know when to get out
This isn't just a by-the-facts rule, it's also a metaphor for life. Sure, you need to know when to get out of bad situations, but you also need to know when to fold them... and when to hold them. Well, really, this one is more about when to fold them. It just sounds stupid when you say "know when to fold them," and NOT say that in conjunction with, "know when to hold them." We originally had that as the rule, but with copyright laws and blah blah, well, you get the idea.


So yeah, four rules of being a hitman + Nic Cage acting as Nic Cage + yet another remake of a film = craptastic cinema. I highly recommend NOT seeing this movie, unless you want a good laugh (and that laugh would be Cage's hair).

Posted by Seth at 06:58 AM | Comments (0)