« April 2006 | Main | June 2006 »
May 17, 2006
BMN: The Benchwarmers
Yeah, unfortunately for me, it’s that time of year again. The bowling ball and shoes have been put away, softball season has started and summer is just around the corner. That means it’s time for Bad Movie Night to start up again. And this year it started with a bang – and by bang, I mean yet again, a waste of $8.
Last night, the crew went and witnessed a very crappy (see Rotten Tomatoes for proof) and confused movie called, “The Benchwarmers.” I say it was confusing because the idea behind the movie was probably something like this...
Allen Covert and Nick Swardson (the writers): “Yo Adam! Have we got a great idea for a movie!”
Adam Sandler (the producer): “Oh yeah? What is it?”
Covert & Swardson: “Okay, imagine taking The Bad News Bears, BASEketball, Napoleon Dynamite and Happy Gilmore, and rolling them all up into one movie!”
Sandler: “Holy shit, that would be hilarious!”
Covert & Swardson: “True. But we’re not talking about taking all of the funny stuff from those films, just the plots.”
Sandler: “Oh...”
Covert & Swardson: “But don’t worry, we’ll get tons of funny guys to be in it and that’ll make great.”
Sandler: “I see, like who?”
Covert & Swardson: “Right, uhhhh, weeeeeell, how about Rob Schneider, David Spade and Jon Heder?”
Sandler: “Eh, not too bad. Who else?”
Covert & Swardson: “Uh, well, we round out the cast with John Lovitz, Tim Meadows, Craig Kilborn, a special appearance by Reggie Jackson, oh, and Nick Swardson.”
Sandler: “Nick who?”
Covert & Swardson: “Nick Swardson, one of the guy’s who co-wrote and starred in Grandma’s Boy.”
Sandler: “...”
Covert & Swardson: “Another movie you produced!?!”
Sandler: “Ooooooooooooh, riiiiiiiiiiight. I never knew his name. Okay, so it sounds like a reunion of washed up SNLers.”
Covert & Swardson: “Right. Plus Jon Heder.”
Sandler: “Nice. Will he act just like he did in Napoleon Dynamite?”
Covert & Swardson: “Hell yeah!”
Sandler: “Score! This’ll make millions.”
Covert & Swardson: “We know!!!”
Sandler: “So what’s the plot.”
Covert & Swardson: “Simple. Nerds who were never good at anything athletic take on modern day teenage jocks and beat them in baseball.”
Sandler: “It sounds a bit complex.”
Covert & Swardson: “Naaaaaaaaaah! We won’t write a huge script, in fact, we’ll just let a lot of the things in the movie be ad-libbed from the actors.”
Sandler: “Oh, I see, like all of the Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn movies?”
Covert & Swardson: “Exactly, these guys can do that kind of funny.”
Sandler: “I’m fine with that, as long as whoever is in each scene with them looks like an idiot on camera while they do it.”
Covert & Swardson: “Done and done.”
Sandler: “What about hot chicks?”
Covert & Swardson: “Hmmm. How about three super hot blondes that would never go out with people that looked the guys in the movie?”
Sandler: “I like it, I like it. What else... close the deal boys.”
Covert & Swardson: “Okay, here’s the kicker... one dude is an albino that eats sun block, there’s a midget AND midget jokes, a robot that can insult people and there’s an insane old man that works in a video store (who’ll really be the only funny thing in the movie, but very random).”
Sandler: “Sheesh guys, I dunno, I’m allllllmost there.”
Covert & Swardson: “Ooo! How about titty twisters!”
Sandler: “Could half of the movie show dudes giving titty twisters to themselves?”
Covert & Swardson: “YEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!”
Sandler: “BOOOOOOOYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! LET’S MAKE A MOVIE!!!”
...
That’s how it went down.
...
...
Probably.
Posted by Seth at 09:02 AM | Comments (4)
May 14, 2006
Did You Say Good-bye?
Tonight a classic went off the air for the last time. After seven wonderful seasons and winner of more Emmy Awards than any drama ever, The West Wing’s final episode was played. For whatever reason that NBC couldn’t get together a commemorative show, before the last episode aired, NBC decided to re-run the original first episode.
I was never a fan of the show until the third season. It was one of those “everybody loves this show, so you will too“ things, and I thought I was better than that... turns out, I was dead wrong.
This show was so good. Not good in that cheesy plot kind of way. Not good in that “ripped from the headlines” kind of way. And absolutely not good in a “we’ve just made an exact duplicate show, so give it a slightly different name” kind of way.
The West Wing was witty, fast and often made me think about politics and moral issues without throwing it in my face. The characters were all likable, enjoyable and I always felt as if I had been with them the number of years it seemed they had spent together.
What was amazing to me in watching the first and last episodes, was the fact that you got to see a lot of the same faces from beginning to end. I’m not just talking main characters, but smaller bit parts, too.
I’m very sad to see the show leave my weekly rotation, it just won’t be the same without it...
...but I will say that I’m super excited about Sorkin’s new show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip with Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford.
Posted by Seth at 10:16 PM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2006
Camping Lessons
Last weekend was “the” second semi-annual camping trip. Last year, in the fall, we camped at Long Pool in Arkansas. This year, in an attempt to cater to those of us traveling from Kansas City, we decided to set up camp in Pineville, MO., at Eagle’s Nest Campground (located on the Big Elk River). Here’s what the group learned from the trip:
- Arrive at the campsite early, or you’ll have to set up your tent in a potty-mouth-named “town”
- There is no Robitussin in a “Steve” shot
- If the dudes in the campsite next to you are doing crazy things, they’re “probably in a frat or something”
- When skipping rocks, quality is good, but you’d rather have quantity
- Getting “Ponch’d” is much worse than getting punched
- The first time you get warned that you’re being too loud, you’re very sorry
- The second time you get warned that you’re being too loud, you’re a bit freaked out that the guy just appeared out of nowhere
- The third time you get warned that you’re being too loud, the guy is “pissed” this time
- The fourth time you get warned that you’re being too loud, you call the dude out and basically tell him that YOU’RE CAMPING NEXT TO A HIGHWAY AND TRAIN TRACK, YOU’VE PAID YOUR DUES, WE’RE NOT BEING ALL THAT LOUD, GO TELL THE “FRAT GUYS” TO QUIET DOWN AND HAVE A NICE NIGHT
- If there’s some weird trippy dude wandering around your campsite with no shirt on, swimming trunks, boots, long hair and sunglasses, then it’s probably Todd
- No matter how many times the weatherman is wrong, sometimes (and usually the times you really want them to be wrong) they’re right
It was fun the .75 days that it lasted, but I think it’s safe to say we’ll NEVER return to that place. Camping isn’t about whispering to each other after 11:00. Sorry.
Posted by Seth at 09:22 PM | Comments (3)
May 04, 2006
Sullivan Higdon & Sinko de Mayo
One day, about a month ago, my good friend Bruno turned to me and asked if I would help him brainstorm an idea for the upcoming holiday. Naturally, I told him to “eat it,” but he was persistant and kept nagging at me. Eventually I caved in and we took, literally, five minutes and came up with an idea.
The idea is a virtual piñata game. Since I can’t spend Cinco de Mayo with everyone in the world at one time, why not do it vitrually?
So when you’re ready, head on over to www.wehatesheep.com/sinko to test your sheep-head-piñata-slaying skillz. It’s kinda tough at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. Oh, and if you want to cheat, the press the keyboard letter that looks like you’re sticking your tongue out.
Posted by Seth at 01:35 PM | Comments (2)