He's British. He's a model. He's been in a Harry Potter film. He sometimes has horrible hair. He's everyone's favorite vampire that creepily hits on 16 year olds. He was one one of Hollywood's highest paid actors in 2009. Both TIME and Forbes have named him influential and powerful. And now he wants to record an album.
And I am tired of it.
That's right. Robert Pattinson, if you're out there, or here, reading my blog, I challenge you to a Duel of Three.
Yes, a Duel of Three.
But what is a Duel of Three, Robert Pattinson might ask?
And that's where I get to say my very first, "ha ha ha, Robert Pattinson!"
It's simple – a Duel of Three is where you and I partake in three challenges, man to man. Brit vs. Yank. Hollywood vs. Midwest. Robert Pattinson vs. Seth Gunderson. It has all the makings of an episode of E! True Hollywood Story or even a Lifetime Movie.
That is, unless you're too cowardly to take some time off and mingle with the small folk.
I'll even let you know what the three challenges are before you commit!
Challenge 1: The Culinary Kitchen Cook-Off!
My two wonderful cooky/foodie friends Bev and Laura will select a fairly basic recipe for us both to cook. Then, we cook it the best way we know how. We'll have a panel of non-biased judges try the food. Most votes win.
Challenge 2: The Big Boy Basketball Game!
We get a basketball, go to a basketball court or outdoor court and play a game. It could be 21. It could be H-O-R-S-E. Whatever. Don't worry, I'm barely 5' 8", you're around 6' 1", and I never made my Jr. High team (I needed to "grow into my feet"). Bonus for you, I haven't played ball in several years. Whichever game you choose to play, most points wins.
Challenge 3: Trivia Time for Two!
This, my friend, will be a straight-up battle of the wits. We'll go to Target and purchase the newest version of Trivial Pursuit. Then we'll open it and play until there is a winner. Most pieces of the pie, wins.
Cooking. Sporting. Smarting. If you ask me, there's really no better way than that trifecta to prove how much of a man you are.
So what do you say, Robert Pattinson? Are you ready to accept my challenge, Robert Pattinson? Or will I not ever hear from you Robert Pattinson, because you're a big ol' coward?