Yes. We dared to go there. Even as Nik stuffed more and more tacos down his throat (in a cheap effort to escape the night’s movie), the horribleness called to us. We couldn’t escape it. The only answer was to embrace it.
Oh, it couldn’t be THAT bad, could it? Uh, yeah, it could. I’m not sure how we missed all of the (nine, for the number of cat’s lives... get it?) warning signs...
Warning Sign #1: The first movie was soooooo good
The first “Garfield” only mustered a 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. How does a movie that bad – 109 out of 126 critics paned it – get a sequel? Here’s how, it made $75M in America alone and it’s budget was approximately $50M. Shocking.
Warning Sign #2: The main cast came back in tact
Wait. The main cast came back? I can understand being hard up for a job, but does it really do you any good to do TWO Garfield movies? Breckin Meyer can you answer that? Jennifer Love Hewitt, how about you? Oh, nevermind, you have that great series on CBS where you talk (whisper) to ghosts. But here’s the big shocker... Bill Murray!?! I’ll never understand why you signed up for the first one. This one must have been a package deal.
Warning Sign #3: There’s a pun in the title
Is there some law that says nearly every kids movie must have a pun in the title somewhere? Or does that only work for sequels? No... no... I’d say nearly every kids movie has a pun somewhere in it. If it’s not in the title, it’s in the movie’s slogan. Does that mean that the movie will suck? No. But when the title can easily get confused with a porn, something’s not right.
Warning Sign #4: The title isn’t original
In this day and age of remake after remake, this isn’t THAT big of a deal. But when you can find three other movies with similar titles, that’s just silly. *slaps forehead* My bad, this movie used the word “tail” instead of “tale.” THAT’S original.
Warning Sign #5: Garfield is computer generated
Seriously, and I think most from my age group area would agree, I would MUCH rather see Garfield as a cartoon with live action or, hell, just a cartoon for 90 minutes. In fact, I’d much rather rent some “Garfield and Friends” and watch that.
Warning Sign #6: Odie wasn’t computer generated
What? Why? If you’re taking the time to make Garfield obviously not real, then you HAVE to make Odie the same way. He was practically a balloon animal dog, you can’t find a dog that looks like him in real life. Wait, I guess you can.
Warning Sign #7: Opening weekend blockbuster
Yeah, this movie was so good that in its first weekend in theaters, it made $7M. That’s a barn-burner! Amazing.
Warning Sign #8: There wasn’t a fart in the previews
Sad, but true... I don’t trust movies that don’t have farts in the trailers anymore.
Warning Sign #9: It only scored a 10% on RT
Yeah, I know, this really isn’t a warning sign so much as it’s a welcome sign. I don’t know if we were more lucky to see this or “Just My Luck.”
If those warning signs weren’t enough for us, then I hope it is for you. I won’t even go into movie specifics, I feel it may be too horrible to relive.
+ original post date: June 29, 2006 10:28 PM
+ categories: Bad Movie Night