Addicted to Walnut

I apologize for my recent absence, but I’ve been pretty busy lately. Why so busy, you ask? Well, because I just finished up MOVING FOR THE SEVENTH TIME DURING MY SIX YEARS IN KANSAS CITY! Whoa, sorry for yelling.

Yes, it’s true, I’ve moved once again. This time I didn’t move away from my place because it was driving me crazy. No, far from it. This time I moved because the building I was living in decided to go condo, thus practically giving me the boot since I don’t have enough money to buy one. Nice, eh?

I loved my loft and about 95% of the building (won’t miss the slow-ass elevator and slow-ass garage door). Ah well. Time to move on.

And move I did, with the help of (hey) Craig, Bruno, Aaron, Bev and Scoot. I put these peeps through hell on Sunday. First off, it took us nearly three hours to get the truck loaded thanks to aforementioned slow-ass elevator. But then, at my new place (which is on Walnut, again, this time in the Crossroads), you don’t have to worry about waiting for the elevator – because there isn’t one. Ugh. More bad news... I live on the third floor. Sorry ya’ll.

Surprisingly, the unloading at the new place and at storage took an entire hour less. Go figure.

As to keep tradition from the last move, we locked up and went to Grinder’s to eat. One item we ordered was the hot wings. If you’re not a frequenter of Grinder’s, there are three degrees of hotness you can get:

  1. Wimpy – Just as stated
  2. Molten – Good flavor, about like anywhere else
  3. Absolutely Insane Death Wings – Really, these non-refundable wings will F you up

Scoot, after having one of the Molten wings, started talking about how he thought he might have to order himself a half-order of Death Wings to take home. I called him an idiot because of his claim that he “liked things hot.” Making him put his money where his mouth is, I went up and got a little cup of Death Wing sauce for him to try. He grabbed another wing, practically dunked the entire thing in the cup, and started lift it towards his mouth. I sprang into action and literally held his arm from completing the move. Beggingly and pleadingly, I tried to reason with Scoot to try the sauce first. So he took a small bite. A few seconds later he said it burned, and sure enough, one minute after taking a bite, the hiccups came. He was sweating, his face turned red and he couldn’t drink enough to calm the heat.

All of this, of course, AFTER we told him the story of another friend experiencing the exact same thing.

As if it wasn’t bad enough for Scoot during the incident... I received this email from him later that night:

Subject Line: Some sage advice, from one who’s been there.

If you dip a finger into the Death Wing sauce from Grinders, and then four hand washings and two hours later you have to pee, whatever you do, use the other hand. Because that residue is STILL THERE two hours and four handwashings later. (I learned a new definition of pain and suffering!)


’Nuff said. I’m all moved in now. Let the posting resume.

+ original post date: March 20, 2006 11:24 AM
+ categories: Dwellings, Family/Friends, Funny, Ha Ha, KC


(comments rss feed)

I almost met the same fate as Scoot, if not for the waiter at Grinders letting me know that the "Death Wings" are "More of a novelty than a food item." He let me try a taste of it off the tip of a TOOTHPICK, and I could tell that, under no possible circumstances, could that sauce be safely consumed by humans.

Disappointingly, the "Molten" sauce is pretty friggin weak.

+ author: Rich
+ posted: March 20, 2006 01:26 PM

Yeah, I'm a bit perplexed in the mega-jump from the nice spice of Molten to the "I can't eat this crap or I'll die" heat of Death Wing. There needs to be something in between. Maybe take a drop, or two, of the Death Wing sauce and mix it in with the Molten batch. That might be good.

+ author: Seth
+ posted: March 20, 2006 01:49 PM

I love the fact that his subject line was "Some sage advice." when the first person to encounter the demon WAS in fact, Sage...

poor Scoot - his red face...awww..

+ author: Bev
+ posted: March 20, 2006 02:44 PM

I agree about there needing teeding to be an in-between level on the wings. The so-called "molten" wings were average on the scale of spicy foods I typically eat, leading me to believe that the death wings would only be a few factors higher... perhaps on the scale of the "Spicy Beef" at "Wong's" (aka Oriental Feast onm 39th) on one of the days they substitute habaneros for jalapenos.

Bev, I noticed that about Sage as well, after I had already sent the email. Very weird. :)

+ author: ScooterJ
+ posted: March 21, 2006 10:21 PM

Those wings aren't so hot now:

The chilli so hot you need gloves

+ author: ScooterJ
+ posted: April 1, 2006 01:26 PM

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