Walking out of the theaters tonight, I confided in Nik and Scoot that this movie was so horrible, that I didn't know which direction I wanted to go [with my review]. To which Nik replied, "neither did the writer." So true, Nik, so true. Scoot said nothing, he just wiped tears from his eyes and said, "it was so touching." I wouldn't go that far, Scoot, but we'll let it slide this time.
There was something seriously wrong with this movie. No, there were lots of serious things wrong with this movie. So many, in fact, it's hard to pinpoint what I should talk about. I'm sure Nik and Scoot can fill in the blanks for me, but damn it was bad. It's sad because movies like this (and it's awful, awful rating) further justify the theory that the crappy blockbuster films get stuck in August because they can't touch the other summer films. Paying attention all you "Dukes of Hazzard" fans?
The funny thing is the first time I saw the trailer for this film, way back in March (?), I knew it was going to suck. Even the second set of trailers, which made the movie look a lot more decent, couldn't sell this movie. But enough banter, why did it suck!?!
The Near Future Rules!
The film is set in the "near future," which really doesn't mean much... except that now the US Navy has some kick ass fighter jets and a new robot plane. Oh, we also have some insane intelligence computer systems that can project how buildings will crumble in a matter of seconds, obtain retinal scans and fingerprints from satellite images... that's powerful. All this and Russia is still flying in their MiGs.
Super Plane, Bad Tech Support
The three "best pilots" in the Navy are sent to start flying missions with a fourth pilot – the robot plane, Eddie. I can't imagine how much the government spent on a plane like this, much less the A.I. that came with it. But I'll tell you what, they saved a ton by just sending one tech-guy with it on it's first mission. Volkswagon will send an entire fleet of mechanics and engineers out when a new car is first being shown and driven around... US Navy, one nerd.
More Plane Things...
The plane can connect to the internet. Cool. But, careful, it downloaded "all" the songs. What? The best part, it has an external speaker system. The plane was also fitted with a cockpit, for "troubleshooting" issues. Good thing, because Matthew McConaughey's look a like needed to fly in it at the end of the movie – sans life-support and seatbelts, of course.
Is This Really Hal In Disguise?
There were so many obvious comparisons to Kubrik's "2001: A Space Odyssey," it's almost not worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning is that at any moment I wouldn't have been surprised if the plane would've said, "you've got mail." Hey Eddie, the AOL mail dude called, he wants his voice back. Also, Max from Flight of the Navigator called, too, he wants his look back. One more thing, Sony, I'm calling, I want my money back.
The World Revolves Around Love
Can we stop inserting love stories into every freaking movie, please? This movie might have been better if there was no love story involved. That's a very delicate "might," though. Okay, doubtful, but take that crap out.
Ugh... I could go on. But I'd rather not re-live anymore of that trash. Nik? Scoot? Help a Seth out.
+ original post date: August 2, 2005 10:31 PM
+ categories: Bad Movie Night