Six percent. Wait. Six percent!?! A movie actually sucks so bad that its rating on Rotten Tomatoes is six percent!?! That has to be a mistake, right? Over 300 movies grace a screen each year and they all have to be somewhat decent… don’t they?
Count it up folks, 96 reviews have been turned in (at the time of writing this) and a total of six reviews were positive. Six good reviews. Six percent. SIX!
I couldn’t believe the hype (and by hype I mean lack of) for this film. So Scoot, Nik and I decided to head down to the local mega-plex to see what all the fuss was about. Next time I think we’ll believe it when 94% of the reviewing populous didn’t like the film. Good Lord.
The premise of “The Perfect Man” is pretty simple:
Single mom with two kids constantly uproots family because she dates losers. Family lands in NY, oldest daughter gets idea to trick mom into believing there’s a perfect man who likes her. Hilarity ensues.
This movie was far from funny, the dialogue was complete trash and the moral of the story was beyond Hollywood – I’m surprised everyone involved with this movie didn’t lose their SAG cards.
For the two love stories that were going on, there were a lot of complex emotions that those involved had to go through. Here’s the kicker, everyone in the movie was super intelligent and could psychoanalyze the crap out of anyone but themselves. That is, unless they were IMing, which seemed to solve everything… I guess it just helps to spell it out, right in front of your face.
The “perfect” guy (Chris Noth) knew everything about women, but had no girlfriend. The mom (Heather Locklear, who still looks damn good), who dates absolute losers, knows a good kid for her daughter when she sees one. And the whiney-ass daughter (Hilary Duff, I so want her to succeed more than Lohan), knows exactly what’s wrong with her mother, but can’t see past her own insecurities.
Bah, I don’t even know where to go from here!
The movie had the token-gay man, Carson Kressley, who does the stereotypical gay jokes.
Then there was Duff’s best friend who disappears in the final third of the movie.
Tons of lame one-liners.
A lousy twist.
And the moral of the story (SPOILER WARNING), if you don’t move away from your problems you’ll win a cake-decorating contest, date the “cool, comic-book artist, but dork because he has no friends” guy, win a spelling bee AND land a date with the “perfect” man.
That’s the “perfect” formula for a movie.
I think we agreed to market some paper bags with eye holes cut out (for vision) that say Bad Movie Night on them. So the next time we wander into a movie like that, no one can see who we are.
+ original post date: June 29, 2005 04:20 PM
+ categories: Bad Movie Night