For the longest time now I've thought that toilet paper manufacturers were missing the mark when it came to marketing their products. If you think about it, they were actually WAY off the mark. In the past, you were apparently in the market for toilet paper if you did the following:
What in the hell were these people thinking? They were being creative, I suppose, but why not just come out with the obvious statement: buy this toilet paper because it feels the best on your ass when you're wiping.
It's bothered me that they've never done that. I'm sorry that America has some weird fetish with being prude, but the last time I checked almost 100% of us go poo-poo. And after we do the deed, we need to wipe. So sell me some toilet paper that will do the trick. If it also accomplishes other tasks (covering shaving cuts, tissue substitute, etc.) that's fine, but priority number one is my butt (as I curse my gallbladder-less self).
The closest commercial I've seen to that message is the Charmin animated bear in the woods. He runs out of paper and uses leaves, or something (which reminds me of the time that an old friend of mine used Poison Ivy once on accident, ouch!). That's the closest we can get? An animated bear?
Nope. We've gotten a little bit closer. It's still an animated character, a frog, but this time the frog is actually wiping his booty. The product is Kandoo, they're flushable toilet wipes for kids who are learning to potty train. Right there, on the cover of the box, the frog is cleaning himself. Funny, right? Oh, it gets better... go to the Kandoo Products page, click on Flushible Toilet Wipes, then click on "Moist" when the animated intro is done. Classic.
If only the frog was Kermit and the bear was Fozzie, THEN we'd be getting somewhere. Maybe.