7 X 3 Reasons to NOT See XXX 2
Ah yes, the first night of no bowling in a very long time. Although I missed the non-chance of throwing a 200 tonight, I was too busy witnessing one of the world's worst movies. You see, some of my friends have this thing called Bad Movie Night. The premise is simple, you find the worst rated movie on Rotten Tomatoes and go watch it. Easy, right? Ugh. Tonight's gem was "XXX: State of the Union," starring none other than the oft-heralded action star Ice Cube.
Reasons Why This Movie Sucked
- It was a sequel to XXX
- It's a horrible James Bond rip-off... title sequence with no naked chicks, quirky gadgets guy and insane stunts
- Xzibit runs a chop-shop
- Quote recycle, "the things I'm gonna do for my country"
- Nerd hacks the DOD in an hour
- "We've seen you fight, so we know you can kick some ass... but what else can you do? The first XXX could snowboard, surf..."
- Apparently Vin Diesel requires too much money to make a movie of this caliber... as a snub, we learn he's been killed off in the first five minutes of this movie
- Hiding from infra-red satellite imagery by microwaving food and putting it in a bath tub
- Stunt #1: Jumping from a roof to a helicoptor
- Stunt #2: Ramping a out-board motor boat up a 45-degree "ramp" and onto a bridge
- Stunt #3 and 3b: Dodging a rocket from a rocket launcher and a missile from a tank, while driving a tank of his own
- Stunt #4: Ramping a car onto a train track while going 145+ mph
- Stunt #4b: Maintaining speed on train track while tires explode
- Stunt #4c: Locking wheels onto train track and driving about 180 mph
- Stunt #5: Jumping off speeding train at 180+ mph, free falling 150+ feet and diving head first into a river
- "This music is crunk!"
- The President quoting Tupac
- Cheap over-used plot of wanting to kill someone important, but never just putting a cap in his ass... SHOOT HIM ALREADY!!!
Three Reasons Why This Movie Was Bearable
- Getting to hear Samuel L. Jackson say "I told you you should've killed that bitch."
- It was 101 minutes long
- Instant realization that "Agent Cody Banks" is a bad ass
Thanks Scoot. Thanks Nik. No thanks to you, Ken.
+ original post date: May 17, 2005 10:32 PM
+ categories: Bad Movie Night